in all these years of reading fortune cookies in chinese restaurants and meaningless astrological columns in newspapers, here is the best one i have ever read:
" create like god, command like a king, work like a slave".
Thursday, April 28, 2005
Sunday, April 17, 2005
mental hotfoots
here are some mental hotfoots; things that you can do to wake people out of their daydreams and give them something to discuss all day or all their lives! (note...some of these are mine and some are....not)
1. ask a german whether "chow mein ist mein chow" (food) qualifies as spoken german or is it just meaningless bullshit.
2. find some evangelical selling christianity. ask him/her whether he/she has found jesus. if they answer yes, shout out loud looking skyward "2000 years ......at last...now your turn". before starting to find a hiding place, dont forget to tell the roving soul converters to say hi to jesus from you if they find him again. this will not only wake them up but chances are you will be wide awake after the righteous anger on display. (no offense to the believers...if the jerk on my campus stops me again and warns me that i am going to hell ....i plan to try this or something similar on him)
3. go to starbucks and ask for coffee flavored coffee. i am pretty sure they wont have any clue. grande assholes.
4. walk into a subway with mirror finish (literally) shoes. watch the ladies clear the way. wait for a short but very high speed travel through thin smelly air usually found in subway tunnels.
5. paint your car white with red bumpers. for added effect, attach white and red canes to your fender. drive with your darkest sunglasses on and hold the wheel supertight. you shall be king of the road.
6. call up everyone in the directory who share your last name. say you cant remember your address or phone number and are eliminating possibilities. this works best at 2am on a saturday morning. doesnt work with a name like mine. i ended up calling my dad.
8. call AAA, report some trouble. insist that you have a 1985 peice of shit. if further pressed for year and make, say 1985 POS, turd coupe. (u really must be sick and bored to death to try this one)
7. if you are ever pulled over, dont wait for the cop to walk over. get out and run. chances are you will be shot dead. fbi, cia and all three alphabets in the english language will spend a fortune trying to find a motive. you shall live on in history and conspiracy theories. forever.
1. ask a german whether "chow mein ist mein chow" (food) qualifies as spoken german or is it just meaningless bullshit.
2. find some evangelical selling christianity. ask him/her whether he/she has found jesus. if they answer yes, shout out loud looking skyward "2000 years ......at last...now your turn". before starting to find a hiding place, dont forget to tell the roving soul converters to say hi to jesus from you if they find him again. this will not only wake them up but chances are you will be wide awake after the righteous anger on display. (no offense to the believers...if the jerk on my campus stops me again and warns me that i am going to hell ....i plan to try this or something similar on him)
3. go to starbucks and ask for coffee flavored coffee. i am pretty sure they wont have any clue. grande assholes.
4. walk into a subway with mirror finish (literally) shoes. watch the ladies clear the way. wait for a short but very high speed travel through thin smelly air usually found in subway tunnels.
5. paint your car white with red bumpers. for added effect, attach white and red canes to your fender. drive with your darkest sunglasses on and hold the wheel supertight. you shall be king of the road.
6. call up everyone in the directory who share your last name. say you cant remember your address or phone number and are eliminating possibilities. this works best at 2am on a saturday morning. doesnt work with a name like mine. i ended up calling my dad.
8. call AAA, report some trouble. insist that you have a 1985 peice of shit. if further pressed for year and make, say 1985 POS, turd coupe. (u really must be sick and bored to death to try this one)
7. if you are ever pulled over, dont wait for the cop to walk over. get out and run. chances are you will be shot dead. fbi, cia and all three alphabets in the english language will spend a fortune trying to find a motive. you shall live on in history and conspiracy theories. forever.
Monday, April 11, 2005
spring is here
it was a beautiful day here in urbana. fell in love all over again with the neighborhood that i live in. it gets dark and cold during winter. spring gets the life back into the birds, flowers and trees. i cant remember when was the last time i literally stopped and smelled the flowers!
before posting this, i just checked my last post. my heart sank one more time:it was about uiuc's bball team. it took me a good 2 days to get out of the depressed and hollow feeling after our loss on monday to Sean May and NC. we played well...but couldnt stop one guy. well...i better not get started. the sadness might be below the surface now, but still hurts. Luckily, before manic monday we did have super saturday when we beat the hell out of louiville. it was one wild party on the streets of this town after we won. will try to post some pics soon.
saw sin city yesterday. i cant get the movie out of my head! keep remembering some or the other absolutely stunning or sickening scene. or remebering jessica alba or brittany murphy [;)]
it is the beginning of a new genre for sure. it sure is not for the weak hearted or those with a weak stomach for violence and gross stuff. but if you can bear the violence and other assorted insanities, watch it.
before posting this, i just checked my last post. my heart sank one more time:it was about uiuc's bball team. it took me a good 2 days to get out of the depressed and hollow feeling after our loss on monday to Sean May and NC. we played well...but couldnt stop one guy. well...i better not get started. the sadness might be below the surface now, but still hurts. Luckily, before manic monday we did have super saturday when we beat the hell out of louiville. it was one wild party on the streets of this town after we won. will try to post some pics soon.
saw sin city yesterday. i cant get the movie out of my head! keep remembering some or the other absolutely stunning or sickening scene. or remebering jessica alba or brittany murphy [;)]
it is the beginning of a new genre for sure. it sure is not for the weak hearted or those with a weak stomach for violence and gross stuff. but if you can bear the violence and other assorted insanities, watch it.
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