Sunday, April 17, 2005

mental hotfoots

here are some mental hotfoots; things that you can do to wake people out of their daydreams and give them something to discuss all day or all their lives! (note...some of these are mine and some are....not)
1. ask a german whether "chow mein ist mein chow" (food) qualifies as spoken german or is it just meaningless bullshit.
2. find some evangelical selling christianity. ask him/her whether he/she has found jesus. if they answer yes, shout out loud looking skyward "2000 years ......at last...now your turn". before starting to find a hiding place, dont forget to tell the roving soul converters to say hi to jesus from you if they find him again. this will not only wake them up but chances are you will be wide awake after the righteous anger on display. (no offense to the believers...if the jerk on my campus stops me again and warns me that i am going to hell ....i plan to try this or something similar on him)
3. go to starbucks and ask for coffee flavored coffee. i am pretty sure they wont have any clue. grande assholes.
4. walk into a subway with mirror finish (literally) shoes. watch the ladies clear the way. wait for a short but very high speed travel through thin smelly air usually found in subway tunnels.
5. paint your car white with red bumpers. for added effect, attach white and red canes to your fender. drive with your darkest sunglasses on and hold the wheel supertight. you shall be king of the road.
6. call up everyone in the directory who share your last name. say you cant remember your address or phone number and are eliminating possibilities. this works best at 2am on a saturday morning. doesnt work with a name like mine. i ended up calling my dad.
8. call AAA, report some trouble. insist that you have a 1985 peice of shit. if further pressed for year and make, say 1985 POS, turd coupe. (u really must be sick and bored to death to try this one)
7. if you are ever pulled over, dont wait for the cop to walk over. get out and run. chances are you will be shot dead. fbi, cia and all three alphabets in the english language will spend a fortune trying to find a motive. you shall live on in history and conspiracy theories. forever.

2 comments:

the shiva said...

yo dude...thats exactly what i was talkin about....u and vinayak rite?

appwiz said...

q: "have you found jesus?"
a: "when'd he get out of prison?"