canceling an AOL account

Here is an actual conversation between a customer who just couldnt convince AOL to cancel his account and an AOL rep:

"Hello. Thank you for calling AOL customer service. My name is James. How can I help to make your online experience a magical one this morning?"

"Well, James, I would like to cancel my magical online account."

"Heh. O.K. Let me just pull up your information. ... Can I have your reason for canceling service with AOL this morning?"

"I'm giving up the Internet. ... I'm moving to a commune in Minnesota, and they don't have access there. ..."

"Wow! That's a first for me. That's a ... really? A commune? Wow! ... Why don't they have access?"

"Well, it just kind of runs counter to the whole belief system."

"And, so, what's the belief system?"

"Oh, you know, getting back to nature, Thoreau, eating lots of dairy. Except the vegans, obviously."

"Right. Right. Right. ... Look, are you sure about this commune?"

"Oh, yes. ..."

"O.K. O.K. There's no checkbox for this in my 'Reason for Cancellation' section. ... Just, O.K. Well, I have your cancellation number ready. And look, if you change your mind, you can always reactivate your account, O.K.?"

"Sure, thanks. ..."

"You know, I'm not going to even bother asking if you want to try our new phone news service."

"That's probably best."

April 20, 2003